Say no kindly.
When someone asks to borrow money, we can feel guilty and maybe even ashamed when we don’t immediately say yes—even if giving them money would put us in financial hardship. Saying no doesn’t come naturally to many people, especially if you were raised to always lend a helping hand or offer support to friends and family, no matter the cost to yourself. Saying no to someone you love is hard to do, but below are some things to consider when someone approaches you for money.
Listen to their story.
When someone asks you for money, start by listening and offering empathy. People often need to be heard just as much as they need actual material support. By giving your friend or family member a safe place to talk about their situation or bounce around potential solutions to their problems, you may help them more than if you just wrote a check.
Communicate clearly and politely.
Saying no right away when someone asks you for help can feel mean and heartless, but it is also the kindest way to let someone down. Avoiding the situation, saying “maybe” or “let me think about it” leaves the door open for them to ask again and pushes the problem down the road, which can build up resentment on both sides. Saying no with kind directness is better than using soft language that can be misinterpreted.
Stay calm and hold your boundaries.
Some people don’t like to hear no and may try to persuade you by getting louder and more aggressive. It can be tempting to promise to help someone just to get them to quiet down, especially if you’re in a public place. Know that you have the right to leave any situation that makes you feel uncomfortable. If the person asking for money can’t handle a kind no, then your relationship may not have been what you thought it was.